When “Wine O’Clock” Turns Into “Around the Clock”
Understanding women, alcohol and the pressures we don't always talk about
5 pm. Kids sorted. Dinner done. Finally, a glass of wine.
It might start innocently enough.
A glass to take the edge off the day.
A glass while making dinner.
A glass after the children have gone to bed.
A glass because you've had a difficult day.
Then another because tomorrow is already playing on your mind.
And gradually, without really noticing, wine o'clock can become around the clock.
Not because you're weak.
Not because you're a bad mum, partner, daughter or friend.
Sometimes because you're exhausted and you've found something that gives you a few minutes of relief.
The pressure women carry can be enormous
Women can find themselves carrying a huge amount.
Work.
Children.
Relationships.
Caring for parents.
Money worries.
Expectations.
Body image.
Social pressure.
Trying to be a good partner.
Trying to be a good mum.
Trying to keep everyone else okay.
And somewhere in the middle of all that, who is looking after you?
You might be the person everyone relies on.
The one who remembers everything.
The one who organises everything.
The one who keeps the family together.
But perhaps you're quietly struggling.
And alcohol can become the one thing that feels like it belongs to you.
“I deserve this glass.”
And perhaps you do deserve some time for yourself.
The problem isn't necessarily the first glass.
The question is what happens afterwards.
Does one become two?
Does two become three?
Do you start drinking earlier?
Do you drink when you're alone?
Do you hide how much you're drinking?
Do you promise yourself you'll cut down tomorrow?
Then tomorrow comes.
And you need another drink.
This is where things can start becoming difficult.
Because alcohol can move from something you choose to something you feel you need.
When drinking becomes a way of coping
Alcohol can provide temporary relief.
It can quiet your thoughts.
Take the edge off anxiety.
Make you feel more relaxed.
Help you switch off.
Help you sleep — although alcohol can actually disrupt sleep quality.
It can temporarily create distance from difficult feelings.
But the feelings haven't disappeared.
They're waiting for you the next day.
And sometimes they're joined by:
Guilt. Shame. Anxiety. Regret. Remorse
So you drink again to escape those feelings.
And the cycle continues.
“But I don't think I'm an alcoholic.”
You don't have to identify yourself as an "alcoholic" to recognise that drinking isn't working for you anymore. Labels can sometimes get in the way of the real question
“What is alcohol doing for me — and what is it costing me?”
Perhaps you're drinking more than you intended.
Perhaps your relationships are being affected.
Perhaps you're hiding bottles.
Perhaps you're waking up feeling anxious about what happened the night before.
Perhaps you've started thinking about alcohol throughout the day.
Or perhaps nobody else has noticed anything at all.
You can look completely fine and still have a difficult relationship with alcohol.
Can a male counsellor help women with alcohol problems?
Absolutely.
And it's understandable if you have questions about this.
You might think:
"Will he understand what I'm going through?"
"Will I feel judged?"
"How can I talk to a man about something so personal?"
Those are valid concerns.
As a male counsellor, I don't pretend to know exactly what it's like to experience life as a woman.
I don't need to.
My job is to listen and understand your experience.
You don't need me to tell you what it's like to be a woman.
You need someone willing to hear what being you is like.
My understanding of alcohol and addiction
My experience extends beyond counselling alone.
I've worked with people affected by alcohol, drugs, addiction and recovery, and I've seen how complicated the relationship with alcohol can become.
I've also seen that simply telling someone:
“Just stop drinking.” rarely addresses why they're drinking in the first place.
Because alcohol is often the solution someone has found to another problem.
The problem might be anxiety. Loneliness. Trauma. Relationship difficulties. Stress. Shame. Grief. Feeling overwhelmed. Or simply years of putting everyone else first.
If we only focus on taking the alcohol away without understanding what it has been doing for you, something else may eventually need to fill that space.
Counselling isn't about taking something away from you
It's about understanding what is underneath it.
Together, we can begin exploring questions such as:
What happens before you drink?
What are you feeling?
What are you trying to escape from?
What does alcohol give you?
What does it take away?
What would you like your relationship with alcohol to look like?
There isn't a magic answer.
And I won't sit there and tell you what you should do.
We'll work together to understand what's happening and explore realistic ways forward.
You don't have to wait until things get really bad. You don't need to have lost your job. You don't need to have lost your relationship. You don't need to have reached "rock bottom." You don't even need to stop drinking before you ask for help.
Sometimes the most important moment is when you quietly admit to yourself:
“I'm not sure I'm in control of this anymore.”
That isn't failure.
It's awareness.
And awareness can be the beginning of change.
You are more than your drinking
This is important.
You're not an alcoholic.
You're not a failure.
You're not a bad mother.
You're not a bad partner.
You're not weak.
You're a person who has found a way of coping — and perhaps that way of coping isn't working anymore.
That doesn't mean you can't find another way.
Counselling can provide somewhere to explore that without judgement.
A place where you don't have to pretend.
A place where you can talk about the things you might not feel able to tell anyone else.
And perhaps, for the first time in a while, put yourself somewhere on the list.
You don't have to carry it around the clock
My approach is straightforward, person-centred and human.
I bring professional counselling training together with experience supporting people affected by alcohol, drugs, addiction, recovery and difficult life circumstances.
I understand that the person sitting in front of me isn't simply "someone with an alcohol problem."
There's a person behind the drinking.
That's the person I want to understand.
If alcohol has gradually become part of how you cope with life, you don't have to figure everything out alone.
Talk. Understand. Move forward.
Keith Vaughton | Counsellor
Body Mind Therapies | Rossendale, Lancashire
Counselling available in Rossendale, Rawtenstall, Haslingden, Bacup, Burnley, Blackburn and surrounding areas, with online counselling also available.