Why do men find it difficult to ask for help?

Men's mental health | Body Mind Therapies

"I should be able to deal with this myself."

It's a thought many men know well.

You might be struggling with anxiety, anger, low mood, relationship problems, pressure at work or simply feeling like you're not yourself anymore. But instead of talking about it, you carry on.

You keep busy.
You work harder.
You go to the gym.
You have a drink.
You shut down.
You tell everyone you're fine.

Sometimes you might not even realise you're struggling until the pressure starts affecting your relationships, your sleep, your work or the way you feel about yourself.

Why is asking for help so difficult?

For many men, asking for help can feel like admitting that something is wrong.

From an early age, men can receive messages about being strong, independent and capable. We can learn to keep emotions under control and solve problems instead of talking about them.

There's nothing wrong with being strong.

But strength doesn't mean carrying everything alone.

Sometimes the very strategies that helped you cope in the past can eventually stop working.

Keeping busy can become avoiding.

Staying quiet can become shutting down.

Drinking can become a way of managing feelings.

Anger can become the only emotion that feels safe to show.

And saying "I'm fine" can become easier than admitting:

"I'm struggling."

You don't have to know what's wrong

One of the biggest misconceptions about counselling is that you need to arrive knowing exactly what you want to talk about.

You don't.

You might simply know that something isn't right.

Perhaps you've changed since a relationship ended. Maybe you're struggling to connect with your children. Work has become overwhelming. You're drinking more than you used to. You're constantly on edge. Or you're exhausted from trying to keep everything together.

You don't need answers before you start.

That's part of what counselling can help you explore.

What happens when you finally talk?

Counselling isn't about someone telling you how to live your life.

It's not about being judged, analysed or told what you've done wrong.

It's about having somewhere you can put down the weight for a while.

A place to talk honestly.

To understand what's happening beneath the anger, anxiety, frustration or numbness.

To look at experiences that may still be affecting you.

And, when you're ready, to think about what you want to do differently.

You remain in control.

My role is to listen, understand and work alongside you — not to tell you who you should be.

Asking for help isn't weakness

Perhaps the biggest shift is changing the idea that asking for help means you've failed.

It doesn't.

Sometimes it means you've recognised that the way you've been coping isn't working anymore — and you're willing to do something about it.

You don't have to wait until you're at breaking point.

You don't have to lose your relationship.

You don't have to drink yourself into the ground.

You don't have to completely fall apart.

You can start talking when you first notice that something isn't right.

A counsellor who understands that life isn't always straightforward

I'm Keith Vaughton, a counsellor with Body Mind Therapies in Rossendale, Lancashire.

I bring professional counselling training alongside extensive life experience and experience supporting people through addiction, recovery, mental health difficulties and challenging circumstances.

I understand that people don't always walk into counselling with the right words.

Sometimes they just need somewhere to start.

My approach is person-centred, straightforward and down-to-earth. We'll work at your pace and focus on what matters to you.

Whether you're dealing with anxiety, low mood, anger, relationship difficulties, low self-esteem, bereavement, life changes or problems with alcohol or drugs, you don't have to work everything out on your own.

Maybe it's time to talk.

You don't have to become someone different.

You don't have to have everything figured out.

You just have to take the first step.

Talk. Understand. Move forward.

Keith Vaughton | Counsellor
Body Mind Therapies | Rossendale, Lancashire

Counselling available in Rossendale, Rawtenstall, Haslingden, Bacup, Burnley, Blackburn and surrounding areas, with online counselling also available.